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Valentine’s Day is a day to remember your love and to express your love for your loved one. Yes, in the above sentence, I just said ‘to remember your love and to express your love for your loved one’.

I do not need to talk to the young people on the Island because they are young lovers and they do not need any reminders. This column is dedicated to those who were young lovers.

I recall dating my husband nearly 32 years ago as I met him just after my birthday. After our first date he sent me a dozen red roses! My birthday is February 10 so Valentine’s Day is so closely connected. Perhaps that has helped me to connect the romance of our first date with Valentine’s Day.

How much I looked forward to all of our dates together! I looked forward to each Valentine’s Day. How exciting it has been to be loved, remembered and thought of so highly by someone so special in my life! Some of you may have to go further back in your memories, others maybe not quite so far.

Unfortunately, what I have witnessed in these 30+ years of my career in Marital Counseling, is that after the wedding vows are said and the children come into the picture, for many people something happens to that feeling. Today, I ask you, “Is that feeling still going on? If not, where did it go? What happened to it?” and lastly, “What can you do to retrieve it?”

Isn’t it strange that while dating, days like this were so important to us? However, it is also so sad that shortly after marriage, the romance seems to go out of marriage. We find ourselves getting caught up in the rat race of life, trying to get ahead financially that we lose sight of our partner and how special this person is to us. This is especially so after the arrival of children in our life where an evening out means clearing our schedule with a 15 year-old baby sitter.

What happened to your date night? It does not have to be a thing of the past; it is not reserved for couples that have no children. I remember telling my then future husband, Jerry, that if he continued to treat me in our marriage like he did while dating, there would not be a problem that we could not resolve, because I felt so very special to him.

We made a vow to always hold each other special and to have our date nights, even though we brought two families together of four teens ranging from 14 to 16. We knew from the beginning it would not be easy, but we were dedicated to one another. We kept our foundation of love, nurtured by special date nights. Without being nurtured by special date nights and our foundation of love, we would not have endured all of the stumbling blocks in our way.

As a Marriage and Family Counselor, it is sad to see so many people lose sight of the path they were on throughout their dating and engagement period. Shortly after marriage, they become complacent in their roles and put their energy elsewhere. They get caught up in getting ahead in the busy world. They lose sight of the fact that their spouse is a very special plant that needs moisture and fertilizer to continue to blossom. Some are devastated when they find their plant failed to thrive due to the lack of nutrients.

I advocate that couples do not need to give up because they are overwhelmed with children and responsibilities. I have seen large families succeed despite their numerous responsibilities to their children. Where there is a will and dedication, there is a way!

Having a family will mean you most probably will need to plan ahead for a special night, rather than taking it for granted like you may have done in the past. However, it is important that you put your date night ahead of many other activities.

Keep in mind, if you have a strong marital bond, you will have a strong foundation upon which you can weather many storms that will come along your path.

Plan ahead and put this date on the calendar. Some couples prefer to have a standing date night every Friday or Saturday evening. Thus, they arrange in advance for a baby-sitter and an alternate deciding how they choose to spend their time.

Due to the brevity of this column, I need to keep this short. Please keep in mind that some of your best plans will go astray. In the future, I will elaborate more upon this. However, it is important to remember to never allow the problems or concerns of the day or week to be included in this precious night together.

Keep it a personal, intimate few precious hours together. For those times that the ‘date’ won’t fit into the month’s schedule, please keep in mind there is always next month! Meanwhile slip a little love note into his/her briefcase or leave a voice mail expressing how you feel. Happy Valentine’s Day!

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Carolyn Katchmar is a member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, a certified addictions professional in Florida and a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors. Address questions to Ethics & Civility, Marco Eagle, P.O. Box 579, Marco Island, FL 34146. Katchmar also can be reached at ckharper@comcast.net.