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Barbara Bova: Old-fashioned manners still serve purpose in today's culture
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Webster's New World Dictionary defines manners as "Polite ways of social behavior." But among the various definitions is this very thought-provoking one: "Prevailing social conditions."
Social codes and customs change over time. Sometimes this can lead to uncomfortable situations.
For instance, when we're in a restaurant and forced to listen to the person at the next table talking on her cell phone. It would be nice if the one-sided conversation was amusing, but most times the conversations are plain boring. They lead one to wonder just what was so important that it couldn't wait until a more private time.
Today, everyone can and does blab on their cell phone everywhere, day and night — driving, shopping or even going out on dates.
One funny scene I witnessed was a young couple holding hands and walking down the street, each one talking on their phone. Maybe they were talking to each other. Maybe the cell phone has become the only way young people can communicate with each other anymore.
Certainly it's impossible to hold a conversation when their I-Pods are blasting in their ears, or at their favorite restaurants and bars where they have the "music" volume set at painful levels.
All this noise has made a lot of people unhappy, mostly older folks who didn't destroy their hearing as our younger people are doing today.
This stereophonic culture surrounds us everywhere we go.
But, if Webster is right, and so many people are engaging in it, we have to accept that this new behavior is now part of our prevailing social condition. Therefore, it can be considered acceptable behavior, even if we don't like it.
Using cell phones or listening to loud music is not a matter of good or bad manners, but where and when we do these things that makes the difference between being polite or being a boob.
The same goes for our modern dress code. We no longer worry about looking well-groomed (see all those hunks on TV and in the movies with their day-old beards). We're now more intent on being relaxed.
Days of dressing to fit the occasion, formal or casual, have all but disappeared. Our dress code has changed in direct correlation with the loss of our slim waistlines. There should be a limit to our sloppiness and our tendency toward obesity, but there doesn't seem to be one. The elastic waistband has been deadly for our figures.
Polite behavior and respect for others has been replaced by complacency and lack of self-consciousness. We have become the center of our universe, and the hell with anyone else.
But sooner or later, "good manners," what we used to call being polite and considerate of others, will come back into fashion. We're seeing it happening already in the business world.
Large corporations are hiring manners consultants to teach their managers how to behave in various social situations around the world. It seems when it comes to business, knowing what fork to use at dinner, how to make polite small talk, learning to say please and thank you, and even putting your napkin in your lap can mean the difference between earning a well-paid living or receiving a second-scale financial return.
Children learn their social behavior from their parents. The child who is taught to be polite and well-mannered does better socially and academically. It's tough to get your kids to toe the mark.
But someday that mark could be the deciding factor in whether his life will be easy and prosperous or hard and poor. Good old-fashioned manners count, even in today's busy self-centered world.

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