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Tom Hanson: When bailing out your son means leaving him in jail

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David Piper’s love for his son Dane is stronger than the jail bars that keep them apart.

Dane Piper sits in a Lee County correctional facility. The 20-year-old faces six felony counts on charges involving stolen vehicles. Once one of Lee County’s 10 Most Wanted, Dane Piper has been incarcerated since March. But this story isn’t about a young man’s wrongdoing.

This is a tale of one dad’s struggle to do what he feels is best for his son.

David Piper, the former city councilman and a member of one of Bonita Springs’ most prominent families, has the money to bail his son out of jail. He has the resources to get him the best attorney in Southwest Florida to beat the charges.

But David Piper truly wants to help the son he used to call “Dano-cleany” because he always meticulously cleaned up after himself.

David Piper wants Dane to spend time in jail. He hopes the experience will straighten out his life. He believes the hard lesson may save Dane.

David Piper calls the decision tough. But he considers it the purest form of love.

“There’s all kinds of love,” David Piper said. “You can love collecting baseball cards. You love your pets. And you always love your spouse and your children even more. But the purest form of love is tough love.

“Tough love is the kind of love that you don’t get instant gratification from,” he added. “When I’d get a whipping from my dad, he used to say, ‘This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.’ I now know how he felt.”

When Dane Piper was apprehended in Tennessee and returned to Florida, he naturally called his father. He’s called before, but this time would be different. David Piper told his son he couldn’t help him financially anymore. He wanted Dane’s problems to go away. But he didn’t want to be an accomplice to Dane’s downward spiral.

“I told him, ‘When you stumble, when you fall, I want to catch you before you fall. I always wanted to put you on the straight and narrow and I’ve done it over, and over, and over since you’ve been choosing the wrong paths and finally I came to my senses and realized that I was just enabling you to do more wrong,’” Piper said. “I wasn’t part of the solution by trying to help him. I was part of the problem.”

Dane’s problem started with drugs and with hanging around the wrong crowd. Piper considers his son extremely intelligent, almost to the point that it added to the problem. He feels the only way Dane can change is to be smart enough to take responsibility for his actions.

“When we make a mistake and we are making bad decisions, we have a tendency to blame everybody else,” David Piper said. “But as long as you are blaming other people and don’t take responsibility for your own actions, there’s not going to be a change. So I explained that to him.”

David Piper hopes Dane’s misfortunes will be a learning lesson for his youngest son, Brock. David took Brock to visit Dane last week. He wanted Brock to take in the experience. Brock said it reminded him of the animal cages he cleans at the Wonder Gardens, but with two layers of razor wire.

“When he saw his brother in there, it made a lasting impression with him,” David Piper said.

The visit also left an impression on David Piper. He said Dane knew better than to ask for money or help. The conversation conducted through a television feed went like this:

“I love you,” David Piper said to Dane.

“I know,” Dane Piper replied. “I love you too.”

“I don’t like being here.” Dane said.

“I’ve told you since you were a little boy, if you keep making bad decisions, this is where you were going to end up,” David Piper said.

“But I’m not like these other people,” Dane replied. “One of the guys stabbed someone 21 or 22 times.”

“Well, that is something you should have thought about before getting into trouble,” David Piper said.

Dane had a sad face. David Piper’s face drooped reliving the experience.

Dane sounded scared of being in jail. Piper is scared of what will happen if he gets out. As a father, he worries about what happens to his son if he doesn’t straighten his life out. He knows a life of crime only leads to the end of a life.

“First it’s drugs, and then stealing cars and then he winds up killing someone or someone kills him,” David Piper said.

And no one should question David Piper’s love for his son because of his decision to leave him in jail. He has the same love for his oldest son, David Jr., and for his wife, Dawn, who helped him come to this tough decision.

“If someone were shooting at him, I would jump in front of him and take the bullet. If someone was going to take his life or mine, I would say take mine. I wouldn’t even have to think about it, I would do it for all of my children,” David Piper said.

Today, on Father’s Day, David Piper will be thinking about Dane. He’ll see the polar bear sculpture with the inscription “Don’t Call Me Daughter” that Dane gave to him a few years ago. He’ll cherish the rudimentary clay teddy bear figure Dane crafted for him in the sixth grade.

And David Piper will wonder where he went wrong. It’s only natural. He’s a father. He’ll wonder whether he could have molded his son differently.

He’s hoping it isn’t too late. He’s hoping jail will transform Dane into a better person. He’s hoping to have a reason to call him “Dano-cleany” again.

“I know it sounds bad, but I want him to spend time in jail,” David Piper said. “ I can’t keep enabling him or I will lose him forever.”

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E-mail Tom Hanson at tahanson@bonitanews.com

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